Tuesday, January 3, 2012

Getting my Groove back... or, errr... started

I am at the hardest part. The beginning. Trying to change my habits, my way of thinking, and my lifestyle. It's a kick in the mouth, but really that's what I need.

I've been married 3 1/2 years. I say that because when I got married I was in close to the best shape of my life. I worked a job on my feet all day, and then worked out regularly and watched my diet. And here comes the But.... and now it's a BIG butt... But then we moved. The moving wasn't my downfall - it was getting a job in an office, sitting 9 hours a day, going to school another 3 hours after that, having no lunch break and instead being fed by my 450lb boss who would bring Chiles, Applebees, pizza, to the office for us. It was my complete lack of willpower - I freely admit I have very little. There's a reason I don't buy snack & junk food for my house... because I eat it - and I am the epitomy of the "you can't eat just one" mentality.

On top of this, I have this insane, irrational thought that I have to be the best - and being a newly wed, well, I felt like I "needed" to cook big dinners and be home and take her of my husband, and not myself. Which is totally screwy, because that's not what he wants at all. I mean, of course he loves the a wife that's a wiz in the kitchen - but me being a bitchy wiz in the kitchen because I'm unhappy with my body is not what he wants - he wants me to be happy, which ultimately benefits him because I'm a whole lot nicer when I don't feel like I'm carrying a whole lot of junk in my trunk. So, what do I do about it? Well, I start.

I start with my diet. See, what sucks about my situation, is I've battled my weight my entire life. I look at a donut and I gain 4 donuts worth of weight. However, the plus side to being someone who has seen the ups and downs on the scale is that I know how to be healthy. I've never been a yo-yo dieter because I have always believed healthy is more important than weight. There are lots of people out there that are assumed "healthy" because they are skinny - but I've seen first hand those same skinnies downing cheeseburgers off the $1 menu at Jack-in-the-Crack. I eat organic when I can, I try to eat balanced meals when I'm actually thinking clearly, and I limit toxins - well, except coffee & creamer - without that toxin, I would probably bite your face off if I saw you before 11 am. Don't judge me, I'm not perfect. So, back to my point. What sucks, is that I know how to be healthy. I know exactly what I should be eating - how to balance my carbs, sugar, sodium, calories, fat... blah blah blah. And I know what works best with my body, but damn it I love to bake cookies. So, I find myself in this vicious cycle of beating myself up because I know how to "get my groove back" and then I eat one small cheat and beat myself and end up blowing my whole day. I think a lot of us fall into this pattern. I'm trying to find that balance between 1500 calories a day, healthy eating, and stuff the other members of the house will eat. I don't think it's recommeded to have my family limited to chicken, cucumbers & protein shakes - although that would be much easier for me ! haha

The 2nd thing I am starting is exercise. I've been attending a crossfit box here in Meridian that I absolutely love (on and off - I've recently been absent for 2 months - read about my 1st week back later this week). It's the first time I've found something that I love - I do ALMOST love to spin as much - but the people here are much cooler than the bicycle-short, funny-shoe wearing spinners :-) I love the community of crossfitters. I love that I can tell my coach that I'm going to throw up on his car and we all laugh because we've all felt the "I'm gonna hurl" moment. I love the athleticism - I miss my ipod a lot though - because I do work harder when I have my ear buds in... mostly because then I can't talk to people, because evidentally, I have a lot to say while I'm working out. However, Crossfit does not have anywhere for my sweet 16 month old daughter, which limits my ability to get that long fat burning cardio session in. So, since my darling daughter is getting older and we are stuck in the house by ourselves a lot of the day - I've decided that we need to go somewhere she can be social, play and mommy can have an hour of "spin like a maniac". So, we are joining the YMCA - where there's also a huge pool and I swim off some of my jiggle. I plan on doing 2-a-days for as much as I can during the week, with the hubs travelling on and off. Morning cardio at the Y - and then early evening I'm-gonna-hurl workout at Crossfit.

So, this is my plan - I'm gonna work hard, get my diet in line - and reclaim my life, my confidence, my swagger ;-) I plan on maintaining this blog in hopes that maybe it will help motivate even one other person - or at least I'll pretend it does to help keep me motivated - I wouldn't want to let you down, of course (you imaginary readers, you). I wanted to start this blog so we can share the humor, the struggles, the triumphs and ultimately the "after" photos of this not-so easy journey. Here we go - I'm gonna keep it real


  1. I don't think you could ever have lost your swagger! I completely agree with you about the whole just because your skinny doesn't mean you're healthy...I could give a thousand excuses why for the last year I've been in and out of the mentality to work out, but I can tell you I hit my breaking point a month ago. I joined a gym, got a trainer (my budget hates me for it), and am back in the bikram studio. I feel 100% better (even sleep better again) and know that this time next month, you'll be feeling the same way. :-) We'll be there for each other to motivate!! So proud sweetie!

  2. You have motivated me to start p90x again...TODAY! I was doing the body pump classes at the Y, which are my favorite, but they do not have them at times that work for Ellie's naps or Logan's nap. And the kids keep getting colds & I will not be a mom that takes my kids to the child care while they are sick to get everyone elses kids sick, god damnit! So..must try something at home.That means I have to do it either before they wake up or after they go to sleep at night..and that means I need like 100x more motivation to get off my butt. You are my motivation. Thank you! :o)

  3. We'll be rooting for you!! You are definitely a motivation to all of us, so keep it up! Can't wait to read more about your journey. :)